Was she so blind all those years to see dad was treating me better than her? He'd give me money to pay workers. The day my mother caught me on her bed with dad, she faked surprise and I had to tell her bluntly to stop pretending. I am not surprised he pushes away any young man who comes close to me.
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He has taught me to be calm and how to handle issues maturely. He was childish, noisy and hyperactive! That is the complete opposite of my dad. I got myself a boyfriend but the relationship lasted barelya week. This continued until I joined university.Īt the University I could see my peers with their little boyfriends and at some point I thought I would give it a try. The world knew dad loved me but perhaps their interpretation was different. He'd pick me from boarding school and we'd spend the afternoon together. Our love blossomed by the day and we'd go out many times. I left Jo'burg with many presents but above all, feeling gratified that I had been ushered into adulthood by a man who loved me and whom I loved.
We'd keep it secret though sitting on his lap and him hugging me and kissing my forehead or cheek would continue. That night we discussed many things and he told me that he wouldn't mind telling the world that he loved me were it not for societal outlook. That is the night I gave my virginity to my dad. I felt a sense of belonging and a very special attachment to him. On the second night he came to my room and without any preambles he held me tightly and gave me a long deep kiss on the lips.
I had a nice spacious room all to myself and dad's room was opposite mine. A nice hotel in Jo'burg was my birthday place. I can't narrate the joy of being alone for a whole week with a person who loved me dearly and away from my mother's quarrels. On my thirteenth birthday, Dad had a surprise for me: a trip with him to South Africa. Maybe if she had talked to me about incest then, things would be different today. She'd make a face but not at any time did she ever stop me. I would sit on dad's lap and wrap my little hands around his neck just to provoke her. No man can match him! As a little girl, I could see jealousy written all over my mother's face and at some point I started enjoying it. I can describe my dad as my father, my friend, counselor and my lover. He's charming, caring, listening and willing to understand. My mother cautioned me against men generally and talked ill about all of them.īut dad was and is still different from all the men I have ever met. I didn't know about man-to -woman love then and it's much later I that I realised my dad had fallen in love with me long before I knew it. I often caught my dad stealing glances at me especially at the dining table. Then, my hips started growing and I was turning into a pretty woman. She insisted she loved me but her actions continued to be different. "Why don't you like me? Is it that you expected a boy and you got me? Did dad rape you on the night you conceived me," I recited what I had been coached by my peers. Those were the only times I felt justice being done to me.Īt the age of 12, after my first menstruation period, I dared my mother for a woman-to-woman chat. If my mother shouted at me in his presence, he'd reprimand her. "Darling, you're still in school," he'd gently tell me and press me hard on his chest. When he came home, I would lie on his chest and cry asking him not to leave me behind next time he went for a trip. I am not embarrassed that I found love and consolation from her husband.ĭaddy is a businessman so many times he'd be away on business trips. Justly speaking, it was not all uphill with her there were some good times but I can dare say that the bitter moments outweigh the good ones by far! I grew to hate her too. "You should be their role model," I remember every beating from my mother. She kept finding fault with me throwing tantrums at the slightest provocation and blaming me sometimes for things my brothers did. My mother gave more attention to my two younger brothers and often I felt left out.
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